How I Lost 12.5 Pounds & Regained My Soul

Naked, as in truth, and uncensored, I share my daily quest to survive as a woman and artist, while dealing with the complications of a full life, meddling in politics, loving my children to excess, totally permanently married and on a never-ending diet. While my soul is in constant need of repair and redemption, I struggle to do the right thing. In the meantime, let's all double the love. (Love, not sex, you fool). All posts are copyrighted material.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Setting boundaries with those we love... particularly our adult kids...


Good afternoon, my elegant little earthworms~

Today a friend called and I felt like she was almost mortally wounded by something one of her adult children said, or let's say 'lectured' her about. It seems that he doesn't approve of her lifestyle and felt obligated to tell her so.

My oh my, does he have a lot to learn. Whether he was right or wrong isn't important, as it is none of his business, really. What my friend has to stand up on however, is not her defenses but her clear and designated boundaries with her kid.

Okay, let's be fair. We spend the first 18 to 25 years of their lives telling them how they should improve their lives, but who the hell are they to turn around and give us advice?

We're not pissing away their retirement fund by going to an expensive college, losing airline tickets or a tuxedo lent out that never came back. We're not having babies and buying homes and needing help with a down payment.

Okay, so maybe we do need a personal loan once in a while too, but is that any reason to make us feel worthless and sub-human?

After all, if it were possible to legislate everything adults do to keep them from behaving stupidly, life wouldn't be any fun at all. Besides, whom would we look down on then?

The key for me is this. If I am not accepting money or services from you - or asking for one of those - perhaps it is none of your business exactly how I budget, what kind of car I drive or whether or not I recycle to the greenest standard.

Oh, I am not trying to be a punk, I just think that most of us are doing the best we can at the moment and feel enough like failures off and on without additional help from our kids.:)

We all need to accept that most of us, no matter how pathetic the attempts appear, are trying to do the best we can. Fortunately, we are human so these attempts are often flawed. Come on, you don't want to be worshiped, do you? That's what happens when one never makes a mistake, and it has to be awfully lonely on that perch all by oneself.

And let's not forget the luck-of-the-draw. What do I mean by that? Why OUR parents. Weren't they imperfect, trying to survive into and during their old age and too broke to help us do what we really deserved? If my kids want to criticize someone, I think they should start with their grandparents, don't you?

Just my take.

Clark County Diva

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